' Boss ' Burlesque

"SO..This is your first day as a supervising official" The lean man with thick glasses, wearing a an attire not by any stretch of imagination can be assigned to an executive, asked me handing back a letter. I nodded my head.
I sat in my designated place and started clearing my desk with cluttered with umpteen number of cheques, instruments, complaints, and head office queries and reminders. My innocent customers across the counter seemingly relieved at the look of the new face, urgently recalled their unattended issues and made it a point to let me know. I am repulsive to long Q, so I have decided to dispose every one as early as possible. " Madam you are very fast" smiled my assistant. I was flabbergasted. The lean man with thick spectacles was doing rounds while I worked barely noticing him.

As soon as business hours are closed I received a call from the lean man with thick specs.
"Sit down" I took my seat
" It seems you were clearing the instruments very fast". I felt very proud.
"Yes, sir"
"What yes? Any body can pass the cheque. It is not a big deal. Could you stop any cheque?"
"Why would I do it?" I did not understand.
"There lies your greatness. When an instrument is handed over to you should always seek reasons to decline payment."
" "Why so..sir?"
" Since payments are always risky. So try to refuse them as far as possible !" "You can't do that !"
"You can. Examine from top to bottom, upside down , ventral or dorsal... you
get some clue. But never pay in the first instance"
"But one day it got to be paid !"
"That day you may change your seat !" broad grin.
Splendid ! But I always happened to be person to pay the cheque thrice declined before by some body.

Bosses always don't look alike, as well they don't behave alike. My lean boss with thick lenses was replaced by saggy born old gentleman. Lean boss was liberal with his signatures, but this sorrowful gentle man was miserly with his signatures. He has excellent knack of making you sign any paper which you are not supposed to sign.
"Sanction the firm with Rs.20 lacks ..sir"
"No problem. Sign the paper."
"I guess I am not competent to sanction it. "
"No prob. Put the signature. I will counter sign it." (Why counter sign? You can as well sign!)


"Ask our head messenger to take leave on loss of pay"(Why are you telling me this? I am not in any way concerned with his leave sanction. )
That head messenger comes to me seeking permission for his leave. Why am I made a party to this?
"Please. Talk to the manager. I am no way concerned with your leave"
"He says you may need me for tomorrow's banner tying"
"So. What?"
"So it is within your discretionary power to sanction me a leave !"
"I may need you to clean my bath room on Sunday. Will he pay you over time?" He does not move from my seat. My blood boils. I rush to the manager's cabin "Sir, what is this?" "No thing will happen. Just scribble small initial on his leave letter, I will take care of the problem" Silly ! You Signophobic!
"I do not require any banners to morrow.You can go" I told the head messenger cursing my fate.
Perhaps during midnight I might embark on climbing the poll.


In another god forbidden place my institution has opened it's office to display it's patriotism with national interest on agenda,and ended up with losses. Still we cannot close the office as we are obliged to please the government.
I entered the manager's cabin to report. It was so refreshing to find a manager with news paper covering his face.
Next few days I hardly could recognize his face when it was out of paper. Things move on their own some times, even if no one really does any thing.
On that fateful day before my newspaper manager made his presence in the office, There was surprise visit by the General Manager. Efforts were made to cool him down will cool soda. Yet the situation was very tense.
"So your manager has not yet reached the office." fuming G.M shouted as if it is our fault.
Suddenly I felt sorry for my news paper man. "He might be here any time" I said. All of a sudden the situation looked cool and normal. "O.K. Get me these figures" I presented few figures which were prepared as a hobby while my news paper man reads his daily paper.
"Good. I am happy you are taking care of the branch" he would have hugged me if I were to be a man. My manager reached only after G.M left the branch.
"Sir, G.M visited the branch" He covered his face with news paper.



I stepped into one branch to find a man wearing 'ready to retire' looks,struggling behind his table in the middle of a mess trying to dispose a crowd around him. The moment he finds more than two people near his table he goes mad crazily shouting. He offers "Namaskarams" if he finds himself incompetent to fulfill their absurd wishes. If he gets an inkling to do some thing he wouldn't mind grabbing a pen from their pocket and subscribe a signature on any paper they present. Generally he was full of inklings. Signatures..signatures every where, on the walls, doors, tables, people's backs.
"Sir, Look at this instrument" He grabbed it from my hand and scribbled his signature.
"Sir What are doing? It has already been signed by me. You scribbled over my signature"
"Is it? Then I will cut mine" he cuts the signature making the instrument shabby. I always suspected that he would sign even if I place chapathi on his table from my lunch pack..
"Sir this kind of indiscriminate signatures may land you in trouble" I always sympathized him.


You also come across tough nuts, shaky, shady characters, psychopaths,self obsessed, egoistic, as your bosses.
"I given my civils in 83 you know" (I know you couldn't clear it) That was the 5th time I heard that IAS thing from another chubby young boss .
"I think IAS are no better than us" he shrugs. (Is it !)
" I have not joined as civil services as my father fell sick"
"I am bored with this job. I should have taken IAS" ( But you are only worth this job. So work hard )
"I forgot my vault keys" (Yes I know, keys are lying on the table. IAS men need not lock their vaults. So you forgot)...



Another tall handsome manager was not found to be so handsome from inside. "Sir look at this paper"
"Place it on the table. I will see in my free time"
"Sir it is urgent. He needs to catch his 3 o clock flight with this letter "
"Let him cancel his flight. I have to make a phone call to Bombay"
"Sir it is already 2'o clock"
"What can I do?" ....



Another occasion follows "Sir I think we need to temporarily enhance his credit limit for importing raw material from abroad"
"Why he cannot buy from India?"
"There is severe shortage in India. So he indented for it at a very competitive price. He got through all the import clearances. I have taken Head Office approval."
"He should be patriotic enough to wait for Indian material"
"Sir, he cannot wait. His factory will be shut down"
" Mean while let him produce bulk drugs instead of polyurethane sacks"
"Sir, They are two different projects which require entirely different plants and machinery"
"Let him set up a plant. We will finance it" Good heavens !! This man is above logic and beyond repair !!



On fine day he decided to take off his stern mask "You are denigrating me" he shouted.
"Tell me how?"
" By offering service to the people"
"That is our job, right ?"
"By showing so much generosity you are exposing your self to risk"
"I do not think I am generous . Even if I am bent upon doing such sorts, I am doing at my own peril"
"No. You might involve our Regional Manager too. He is expecting a promotion. There is a thing called vicarious liability , Do you know?"
"Yes I do.. But I do not think I am involved in any precarious activity. Any way I do not see any reason why we care about him so much"
"If we don't care about him, Why would he offer us (me) any post in his secretariat?" (There you are! Dear !)
Ruin the organizations. Ruin the institutions. Ruin the industry. Ruin the country. But never think straight !
"To morrow if some thing happens, no body is going to your rescue" "Thank you for the concern. But I believe that ' tomorrow' will never happen to me." I have to die thousand deaths every day thinking about that 'tomorrow'. To save from that fateful day I should never address an issue.


My lean boss with thick lenses had a heart attack. My signophobic boss who was careful enough not to sign a 100 rupee voucher, signed a 10 crore instrument only to get involved in a big fraud case. My signature crazy (Chapati) boss retired peacefully with immaculate record even after subcribing countless signatures. My news paper boss has been transferred to some other circle but always speaks high of me to the people of other states. ( I heard it.World is small !) My unhappy IAS aspirant boss has been promoted as General manager as my management considers that a failed IAS is worthier than a diligent promotee. ! My illogical manager is fighting his court case on a libel petition filed by a valued customer.


I was lucky to work under bosses who would work like bulls, sniff like dogs, think like Einsteins, run like horses. But they they do not fit into burlesque. So I do not write about them.

But in most cases we end up with bosses who work like donkeys, bite like dogs, think like dumb heads, and run like lame ducks. The delightful concluding part of this narration is that we always think our bosses are not up to our standards !!