Being Mad

It was not about being angry. It is literally being mad. I need not have needed to talk about this (OOPs! Is it the beginning?) until I read (Should I say read or reading?) the book by name " Veronica decides to die". Mind you I have not chosen this. It was an abandoned venture and passed on to me like a heritage. I thought park was the right place to kill the time as well as the book. I preferred to spend a month's time to finish the book containing 190 pages which means on an average to read not more than five or six pages a day. That is too much of load in connotation with it's title. To my luck there were no compulsions to scan through the pages quickly either by means of absorbing tale or twister. I had my ample leisure to scrutinize every tiny word with comforting cool breeze touching my body.

As I do not pretend to be an intellectual at this moment, I did not comprehend why this brown haired pretty young girl with blue eyes wanted to commit suicide. Sitting in middle of this country surrounded by open drains and folks in tattered clothing, I thought she did not have enough reasons to die. Strangely people don't appear to die out of impoverishment but due to inadequacies. It appear as though she decides to die for being young, for being beautiful, for being loved. People die every where due to ailments, due to old age, due to family problems, due to catastrophe, due to belligerence. They die too due to madness like cause of a separate state, a dead hero, Skylab fall or Big Bang experiment ... as if humanity is in constant search for misery. She decides to die out of boredom, due to many reasons suggesting her powerlessness. In her failed attempt she eventually reaches mental asylum. The writer being Brazilian the concepts of madness and hospitalization are not very different from Indian.

An elaborate overview of a mental asylum in war torn country of Slovenia obviously leaves a bad taste in the mouth not because it is any worse than India, but because of apathetic attitude displayed by the staff or inmates or whatever.The mega doses of sedatives necessarily raise ethical questions about their usage. Who cares for mad? Probably all of us are saved from abuses in our everyday life because we can sanely cry foul. The employed brutal force by the care takers either in handling or manhandling the patience is a sure way to ensure their deterioration. The gripping fear which pushes them into the dark hell with no sight of exit is the most cruel experience one can pass on to them. Gradual helpless compliance with the torment is phased dehumanizing procedure which hospitals adopt.One time admit is probably a life time convict. Impossibility of escape from the asylums to ensure the safety of the sane in the outside world in a way looks injustice meted out to them. (Am I on my way?) I am happy, the lunatic on my street was given freedom to come out of his bouts naturally, next day on his way to buy his bread. The elaborate medication, ECT, sedation seem to do no better to them. Rarely we find them come out of the hospitals with their heads in place.

The rare flights of the mentally wrecked are better explained by writers who experienced them. No body ever thought being mad is virtue. Paul Coelho had the advantage of first hand experience of the condition and treatment, one should envy him for being sane to explain this to us. Strangely most mad are capable of complex thinking, yet enslaved by aberrant behavioral patterns. Oddity doesn't seem to bother them rather seen as entitlement. Normality is a matter of consensus Coelho says. . To him human adjudication works in similar way in most minds as matter of habit than judgment. Is a deviant man a psychopath or visionary? How it feels like to be perverted? Are bizarre kind of things not so weird? ? How is it like inviting the suffering like a kick? He had handful of anecdotes. Reading them you feel uncomfortable. You feel unhealthy. But you can not miss the brilliance with which they have been chronicled.

We are not exactly exited about analyzing the chemicals of our body which make us laugh, exited or love. We do not like to be identified as drab combination of some serotonin or adrenalin which are commonly present in every human body. We believe that we are unique individuals. We would like to be signified by our actions. Knowledge that loving our children is an act of hormone than choice, love precisely is a lust, spiritual awakening is just an act of some frontal lobes or portion of a cortex in the brain,lead us to despair. May be we are reluctant to capsize the grandiose vision of few emotions..

The eccentricities attached to the character or events in the book provide an insight into the unregulated mind. At one point of time it may occur that there remain very few who do not possess any kind of eccentricity or attachment. All the attributes explained appear to be befalling on us. It has the power to convince you momentarily that perversion alone is right thought. Instantly our shattered beliefs and usurped ideologies show our life in poor light. Our very self worth, importance and pride seem to be waning . Besieged by weariness, dreariness, and lackluster for a moment life looses focus. With due respect for some who think differently, I find it difficult to forge with alien thought culture having lived few fruitful years. It is a near catastrophe to completely reverse one's belief system otherwise instilled in formative phases. I found people roving in their midlife with defiant speculations come ashore conciliate in their twilight. May it takes too big a toll to swim against the tide.

Initially I never thought I would complete this book, but as I cruised ahead I thought it is worth finishing.

Movies on Moon and Cricket on Mars

Should Lalit Modi think of alternative head quarters for IPL? I think it is imperative.l. Not so long after many pat his shoulder for doing good job in the first tournaments the second matches were marred by election fiasco. Half the Indians lost their interest in game due to alien South African venue and erratic timings. Most could reach home only after 10 overs of the play or skip office work to watch it unauthorized.

The very pride of Indian Premier League providing an alternative career for eminent international players at 'price' is all set to loose. It was a learning green room experience for many of our young players to be associated with legendary figures of the game. They found an inspiring leadership in Shane Warne who was other wise a play boy at disrepute. It was truly amazing image turn around for antagonized Andrew Symonds to be loved and cheered by Indians fans. Young bowlers could never dream off taking few tricks of throw from embarrassed Mc.Grath 'uncle' while hanging around him. Mc.Cullum Shaun Marsh, Shane Watson were exited about their new found place in their respective teams. In a way it was an exiting experience for many players in West India, and South Africa, Newzeland to be one amongst players of an alien nation jointly clappping hands with hitherto rival players wishing their team's success. It was cloaked pride for Indians that they could turn the tables round from being an underdog nation to much sought after destination. New discoveries were made with regard to talented young Indian players who otherwise could have taken years to surface. It was a huge personal success for Mr. Lalit Mody. In a way IPL is a new brand India.

This is the brighter side of the IPL landscape. It's huge success obviously followed by predicaments even before it placed it's foot firmly on the ground. Shiva Sena threatens with non allowance of OZ players in Mumbai. Pakistan player's non inclusion raged the controversy not only in India even in Pakistan. Pakistan threatens to pull back it's legislators team's Indian visit claiming toll of peace talks. Foreign Affairs ministry steps into private domain of IPL demanding explanation for exclusions. With no money to buy any more players the IPL's bafflement was taken off by Pak Government itself by revoking their player's visas. So far so good. Sharaukh Khan favored talk about Pakistan players leaving people wonder what prevented Kinght Riders to support Pakistan' cause, raged a further controversy about his patriotism and Indianness. Finally worried Khan apprehensively decided to stick to his guns leaving Karan Johar and multiplex owners to test their fortunes. With few more Bollywood personalities taking his side, the point of "My name is Khan" is successfully driven home. It is delivered to the Mumbai screens after enormous labor pains. The film which other wise could have had damp opening earned it's money in the first week of release.

Home torn Deccan Chargers subtly intimidated by the state's sports minister finally chose to question IPL for shifting inaugural function and venue from Hyderabad after weeks of slumber . Seemingly they are unwilling to displease their Telangana protagonists. Even the knowledge of disrupted Ranjis on account of Andhra player's presence , will not deter them from issuing show cause notices to IPL. One should wonder the boldness with which Deccan Charges proposes matches in Hyderabad. The presence of one Andhra Venugopal is good enough reason to get involved into risk. What if Deccan Charges boycott the matches? The questions of IPL conducting matches without participation from previous champions, kind of eleventh hour rigorous home work and rescheduling required to conduct rest of the matches sans Deccan chargers are quite intricate.

The ruckus made by Sena about OZ players on the grounds of purported racism in Australia, is quite intangible. The arguments with regard to the narrow patriotic expressions, regional loyalties, culture pronouncements come to hand only to the perpetrators but not to the people. One should reject the hate culture canvassed on narrow lines. We certainly do not like to be ranked with jihadis. We should painfully cry for being spotted as unsafe country along with gravely terror stricken nations. Sena in it's desperate attempt to beat the growing influence of MNS appear to be in constant search of issues. Pathetically we see astounding growth of self seekers whose self interests overtake country's safety and interests. We Indians who invited every body and assimilated every thing on earth, strangely trying to show a new face to the world. Who knows , tomorrow some other sena may require ban on some other country for the reason that cow has been eaten rather than worshiped, or some blond should be stabbed to death for appearing half naked on the screen, or some bar overseas included name of Lord Rama as suffix Pune attacks added new dimension to the existing problems. All the above hitches are unwittingly resolved with one Pune bomb blast putting India away on the cricket map.

Movies in a way are the soft targets for any kind of turmoils happenings in the regions. Scarcely they are political to claim any kind of immunity.Their profiteering is the glitch which attracts attentions right from tax officials to agitators. Their toil often did not earn it's well deserved respect from the public as the entertainment provided was thought to be not very different from 'Nautanki'. The involved huge money often arouses green eyed contenders. Big "B" was made to apologize for his Hindi and apathy for Mumbai's development. Scores of entertainers before him gleefully skipped Mumbaikar's wrath because Raj Thakeray was not born then. Then came "MY name is Khan". Sharaukh was needed to climb Mount Everest flaunting his Indian flag.

We get different story about Telugu film industry which faced unprecedented crisis in past 75 year's history. Suddenly it occurred to people that the entire Telugu filmdom is being dominated by coastal Andhra people. The industry had to bear the brunt of discrimination. Many loved actors and producers were targeted for their unholy birth in allegedly prosperous places. (Thank God Kanataka did not talk about Udupi people for monopolizing hotel industry and Tamil Nadu about Shivakasi for fireworks? Why Ludhiana and Tirupur alone flourish with knitwear? Why Anakapalli should be known for jaggery trade? Why Punjab for sport goods? and why Banaras and Kanjeevaram alone for silk sarees? Good god ! there are so many reasons to feel envious? )
Film shootings have been disrupted, banners were smashed, theaters owners were warned, lineages have been probed. Screenings of films have been ensured with police protection and tight security as if they were defense projects in execution.Still one has an itch for making films I guess Moon should be right place to do so.. There can rise so many sensibilities about caste , language or region in future. This is only a beginning.

Are we on the making of so many countries within India? Who can stop Rwanda against Rwanda?


(I thank my internet for finally allowing me post this after four days struggle which I am afraid lost it's relevance with news updates.)

Sand witched ?

Speaking uninhibitedly we do not very much respect our cops. Still we fear them, albeit their restraint from ruffling with commoners at large. Many of our encounters with them are limited to paying up to couple of hundreds grumbling, for an illegal parking or jumping signals. In a broad picture cops any where are far from being people's favorite. Either in terms of maintaining law and order or in nabbing the criminals their exorbitant powers are at perennial risk of being abused or excessively used. In countries where there is minimal law and order problems police are almost invisible, working somewhere silently or show up being philanthropic at times.

In crime infested huge metropolis it is not surprising that they are are hand in glove with underworld and criminal elements. Yet surprisingly they can be very effective if coerced to perform. Occasionally we get to see outstanding cops despite the system. Allow them a free hand many would come up with astonishing results. Designation wars, seniority supersedes, blame games, out dated paraphernalia, inadequate staff,providing VVIP security, like many other government departments our police system too is surviving with hiccups.

Very effective cops are generally being sidelined, and governments would like to keep very amicable chief cops at the helm of affairs so that they 'listen' to them. Their experiences with super efficient cops are generally painful and add on to their headaches.Each ruling party has it's own favorite bunch of top cops and they would like see them at the top levels as long as they are in power. As a result the entire police system end up being a home run organization for politicians in power, securing their personal safety, serving party objectives, with occasional prize catches of criminals and frauds who vow no allegiance to any political party, or some ready to be dropped by parties in power at times of crisis like hot potatoes.

We hear the stories of Kiron Bedi who sanitized Tihar jail with vipasana, Hemant Kakkars who fell to the bullets, Sarmas who died unsung in Batla House terrorist encounter. These are cops who went to attend to their duties and fell prey to the many vicious elements around them. Many deaths and defamation of the duty bound cops could be traced to their unscrupulous political bosses. On one hand they tell them to be effective on the field, on one hand these bosses secretly yearn for their failures. Not a single opportunity has been lost by the politicians to pin point police excess while discharging duties, apart from nailing them for motives. They pretend as if cops are acting on their will without being ordered to do so. Departmental Enquiry, and suspensions are the logical conclusions to the accusations. Few anonymous heads of either top or low order fall as a result of disciplinary proceedings . Rulers come out with cleansed hands. There does not end the story. This becomes admonition for any good willed cop to refrain from doing good job, any time in his career.

We deploy police troops where there is perceivable threat to law and order situation. It is not uncommon to keep police camps in the university campus which are very volatile at the smallest provocation. US universities too are not barred from keeping the policemen in campus. Platoons are deployed in the campuses during the recent agitations in Andhra Pradesh. The riot like situations prevailing at the university campus forced police forces to deal with the students stringently. The police actions followed by punishments and suspensions to appease public is a sure sign of our liquidating politics. Every beating, every crowd dispersal has been magnified as inhuman attacks of police on public.As they were ordered to observe 'restraint' in dealing with the students, the following day witnessed a rampage and huge losses to the private property and vehicles. The same police were accused of being silent spectators. The next on coming the warning from the Chief Minister to discharge their duties properly. What kind of discrimination we want them to apply? Can the police control the situation with out using tear gas shells and rubber bullets in violent situations?

If we try to tie their hands with contradictory directives what kind of job we are asking them to do? They have been given a task of controlling thousands with bare hands and simple lathis while hiding from the pelted stones. On the top of it very next day they face a threat of suspensions and disciplinary actions for doing what they are expected to do. Should advise we them to take reverse beating? How is it like watching the police taking beating from the public? What kind of messages are passed on to the enemies of the country? How good is the country which could barely deal with internal law and order situation effectively ? It is the same 12 police men of Mumbai who never pulled a trigger before, and barely know a bullet proof jacket dared to face a sinister enemy with singular objective in mind " It is our duty to save people" They are trained for tough task. What kind of superior judgment can they display at pandemonium ? Is it not too much to ask for?

The Illustrious

"My relation with Paramahamsa" tentatively the caption flashed in my brain, soon I realized my folly. It is something like a particle or it's fraction looking at high Himalayan mountain trying to talk. He is none other than Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, a great saint and one of the illustrious sons of India.

It is just a personal account of my reflections on one evening built up on spiritual straits of my inner personality, but by no means a treatise of philosophy nor even a preamble of spiritual thought. No story of philosophy on this planet is complete without referring to Indian Philosophy. The philosophy which has evolved like tripping vital drops of water from a glacier transforming into broader and wider stream enriched by countless contemplations, inquiry, penance, tapas , renunciation, self awareness, and knowledge, involving hundreds of sages, saints, seers and holy men.None of the texts from heaven made them holy. Spirituality spouting from within made them hallowed. For some it is complex phenomena. For some it is simple self render to almighty. For some it is profound inquiry. For some it is innocent chant. For some it is stringent ritual. For some it is humble hands folding. For some it is rigorous penance. For some it is lavish praise of the lord. For some it is infinite and undefinable. For some it is idol. Some laid emphasis on body. Some viewed it as mere vehicle for salvation. For some it is monism. For some it is dualism. Theists and atheists had respective places in this profound thought process. It has not confined itself into strict regimen. It has mantra. It has tantra. It is sublime. It is ornate. It has all shades and color. It is supremely plain and pallid. It is resonating. It is tranquil. It is dynamic. It is static. It is potent. It is resigned. It is mighty. It is minuscule.

I was handed over a book of his preachings when I was a child of 9 or 10 by my father. It became my favorite reference book, I exactly cannot recollect what made me so tucked to it. His sayings, anecdotes were incorporated into my childhood reading material by myself. Swamy Vivekananda was obvious part of Ramakrishna readings. Divine life society was another part of those spiritual years. In twenties I forsook all my spiritual bindings, barring must ritual part of regular order. Even after years of apathy towards spirituality the I distinctly noticed my yearning for divinely peace in places of worship. Crowds and politics drive me away from enlightened (if there are any) but I cannot camouflage my longing for astral bliss for political correctness.

While heading towards the Mutt, the narrow sideways filled with flowering bushes along green lawns, treading the serene paths gives you positive vibrations. The air feels light and clean. No body seemed to be in hurry. Every thing is in it's place. This is not my first time. But every time I feel the same. They know where to display what hording. Every thing was arranged as if they leading you to a definite goal.

I sat there for an hour in front of huge bronze statue of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa doing nothing. The floor was sparklingly clean. Few persons meditating neither coughed nor sneezed.There existed a pin drop silence except the rumbling sound of the rotating fans. Children below 7 years were not allowed inside meditation hall. By 6.20 sanctum was brightly lit. One person walking like a cat arranged mikes and harmonium away from the statue. The two mikes were placed in equal distance and he ensured that harmonium is placed in center. Two windows doors were opened at 9o degree angle by another person . Sharp by 6.30 half a dozen white clad swamis entered the place. Exactly after five minutes later another group of saffron cladding gurus entered the place.The swami who was sitting very close to the statue offered puja to the statue in Brahminical style, but the way he offered arti and rang the bell holding with his hand was amazingly noiseless.. Exactly by 6.45 prayers started echoing. The tunes were soothing and gentle yet captivating. There seemed to be an orderliness, cleanliness, holiness every where. Monks being orderly is no great deal, but small functionaries acting in such precise and acute manner shows amount of commitment each one had towards the institution. It is not the fear or pay check that make them work. It is the sense of belonging that was working. It tells me that we are capable of delivering good work provided we are motivated.

I walked out of that enchanting Rabindra Sangeet at the end as I have to attend to my domestic chores. I climbed down the prayer hall while every one was still praying. I walked for a while and looked back. The statue of Ramakrishna is visible from the entrance gate of the Mutt. It is world of prayers, world of service, world of relentless good work, world of spirituality. It is an institution which has not lost it's sheen even after the demise of it's founder Sri Vivekananda, rather gone strength to strength. It is a world of monks who still want to spread the message of sacrifice and endeavor for human excellence while maintaining a safe distance from politics and communaism.We modern think religion is poison. But in a country like India religion could be a powerful vehicle for spreading good will among the people. I suppose in our country religion was never looked as a religion like in the modern sense. It was predominantly spirituality which prevailed over centuries which came to be known as religion in today's context. It was supposedly a moral way of living. It was largely aimed at the comprehensive community benefit. Even to day Indians are inseparable from their celestial gods. Each one prefers appealing to his god that suits his aptitude. With the advantage of maneuverable space and breathe, they prefer to be nonchalant and least obtrusive. I wish for more and more institutions like above who could use this phenomenon for a good social cause.

Close Encounters of The Worst Kind

I was very gleefully welcomed till I buy my ticket but the moment I stepped into the theater I was left to my fate. Worst of all the experiences is the way I was let out of the cinema theater. I was made to pass through numerous tunnels, while the whole lot of people were literally compressed and pushed through small vestibule with no windows what so ever, walking endlessly till we reach a few abandoned looking steps passing stinking toilets. Yet I was so relieved to find them as they are gateways to my freedom. The hell I passed through almost reminded me gas chambers of holocaust days. While walking through those narrow paths I was wondering what if there was a fire accident or some other kind of panic. Without an iota of doubt hundreds die out of stampede and chaos.

When a four story building had collapsed in my neighborhood day before, I grieved the dead and thanked my god for preventing me from getting tempted for while to buy that " direct ticket to heaven or hell" , on the first floor, despite vigorous persuasion by the same builder who went absconding after it crash killing 13 people working in it.

Just a day before that neighborhood building went down with a thud, a supposed hospital caught fire killing three nurses and many injured. All these huge mistakes were followed by frantic fault finding missions, suspensions, and FIRs. Up to that point it is OK. These things make news for a day or two. Later all of us forget about the incident and we don't even have a glimpse of an idea as to what has happened to the accused. It is ridiculous to talk about fire safety norms when all the constructions in the city or towns go on with gross violation of norms. Pathetically schools and collages are instituted in two bed room apartments with narrow spiral staircases and horrible ventilation. Junior colleges come up on the banks of stinking Nalahs with swarming mosquitoes, yet severely competed for seats by the parents. When a horrible accident takes place authorities talk about so many rules and regulations as if every thing is in place. Take a sigh of relief if your close kith and kin are not involved, let alone bothering about the invisible norms. We should wonder if it is the failure of an individual, if it is the failure of the system it is a matter of habitual malfunctioning. It would have been a if a solace at least if our rescue system is thoughtful. In most of the cases debris is removed with bare hands for hours before any crane or mover reaches out. Fire fighters fall short of either ladders or water. Crowd management becomes a herculean task. Obviously in all the cases we end with chaos.

While living in precarious apartments, passing through mad traffic, yearning for entertainment, consuming contaminated water and food, tasting spurious liquor, we are in close encounter with death which we may not anticipate in the normal circumstances. Yes we Indians can live anywhere as Rahul Gandhi said as we dangle between life and death on every single day and somehow manage to survive.

Encounter defined by the Indian police could be an unavoidable killing when an offender tries to escape or attack the police. In nuxal torn areas encounter is obviously killing of a Maoist by the police whether legitimately or illegitimately. When acid was poured on a girls causing their death people were happy with police encountering the offenders. We demand the same kind of 'encounter' for killers of little Vaishnavi. We forgot to believe in our legal system. We are quite contended with revengeful punishments meted out to the criminal even before they are questioned. This society has made us so insensitive that we want eye for an eye. In the process we forget to stop a while and think whether we are getting back to the medieval justice delivery systems? Should we choose take law into hands than opting for systemic cleansing? Or are we trying to derive sadistic pleasure in punishing people by attacking them than bringing them to justice? In that case why not we revert back to our epic style "Kumbhipakam etc..etc.."